Over at the Who’s News Blog, Stephen King was quoted saying the following,
Don't make him angry...
“The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.”
Burn!
So, in the great tradition of the internet, it’s time to start the King Hype Machine in hopes of a fiction genre turf war that will put the 90s East Coast / West Coast Rap Feud to shame.
- Stephen King – the only person alive who can call Chuck Norris a “Nancy” and get away with it.
- Stephen King’s glasses keep his killer eyes lasers in check. When he takes them off, you know he’s about to kill a bitch.
- King’s books are all memoirs, not just “On Writing.”
- King can hear your fears, and that makes him smile.
- Stephen’s last name isn’t really “King,” it’s something Satan said about him once, and it just kind of stuck.
- King lets Clive Barker publish books so he has somebody to crush on best sellers lists.
- King writes long form, with special ink he makes by hand-crushing the remains of Edgar Allen Poe.
- The keys of King’s typewriter don’t clack, they scream in pure horror at his touch.
- Freddy Krueger’s ability to kill through nightmares is technically called a “Stephen King.”
- Each of King’s manuscripts are first typed on paper imbued with the souls of baby rabbits
Feel free to continue on in the comments.
Bradley Robb likes TV and books, and has an intense dislike for cinnamon. Once, Bradley stopped a Soviet T-60 with his middle finger. Bradley writes speculative fiction and edits Fiction Matters, and never really got the hang of talking about himself in the third person.
Every time Stephan King dots an “i”, the dot turns into a skull.
Stephan King's first editions are all bound in human flesh.
Stephen King wrote the worst parts of the Bible.
Stephen King can scare you so hard you burst into flame.
Every time anyone, anywhere get's scared, King receives a royalty payment.
Stephen King was a Master of the Universe, but changed to a Master of Horror because of the loin clothes.
King knows damn well the difference between Goth kids and Vampires.
King knows damn well the difference between Goth kids and Vampires.
King's brand of horror goes to 11.
King writes his first drafts in human blood and snake oil from the snakes he scared to death.
King once scared a rock to death.
King destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of fear
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Stephen King
I once pissed my pants from reading the Copyright page of a Stephen King novel… “King knows fear”
Dude, that one damn near made me spit out my bourbon. By the by, thought you gave up this handle when Bob “moved on.”