This is probably the scariest thing you’ll read today. This is a peek inside of my mind during yesterday’s hangover. This has not been edited to protect the innocent.

Artist's Representation

I’m hungry. I should make waffles.

All I have are eggos. How unhealthy are eggos? More importantly, how unhealthy can I make eggos?

By being frozen, eggos have evaded the breakfast box read for decades now.

I bet they’re toxic. I wonder if we could say that eggos are toxic like Britney Spears.

Wait. Where the hell has she been? We haven’t made fun of Britney in months now.

In fact, we haven’t made fun of the guy who cried at us for making fun of Britney in months now.

Stupid Lindsey Lohan.

And there you have it, folks. That’s how Lindsey Lohan ruined my breakfast.