Image by Gabriel Oliveira
I’ve been doing some thinking lately about job titles. Specifically, I think job titles need to be re-imagined to better reflect the job’s function. To that end, I propose the adoption of what I call “The Guy Title.”
For example, Joe the IT specialist will become The Computer Guy. Or if Ted specializes in keeping the network up and running, Ted becomes The Network Guy. Fred who keeps everyone’s email up and running? He’s The Email Guy.
Of course, the Guy Title system easily extends beyond the IT department.
Photographer? Meet the Camera Guy.
Web Copywriter? Web Writer Guy.
Marketing Analyst? Poll Numbers Guy.
Package Car Driver? Delivery Guy.
Pizza Delivery Driver? Pizza Guy.
It’s a pretty simple formula, and chances are you’re already using them in conversation anyway. I think, that by taking these conversational titles and turning them into official titles, employees will have a much better understanding of exactly what’s expected of them.
The Guy Title system also makes interoffice communications easier. Have a problem and you need it fixed? Shout the name of the problem and attach “Guy” and there’s little doubt who should respond.
Now, I know you’re wondering, “But what about management?” Well, that’s just as easy. Simply add a “boss” for department heads, a “suit” for division level, a “-y” for C-level positions. Thus, the Chief Marketing Officer becomes Market-y Guy. The IT Division Manager? Computer Suit Guy. Customer Service Manager? Complaint Boss Guy.
And ladies? Don’t want to be called a “Guy”? Think about it this way, if payroll is determined by job title, there’s not really anyway to be paid less for the same job.
Bradley Robb likes TV and books, and has an intense dislike for cinnamon. Once, Bradley stopped a Soviet T-60 with his middle finger. Bradley writes speculative fiction and edits Fiction Matters, and never really got the hang of talking about himself in the third person.