Thanks to the speed in which information travels in 2009, copies of these emails have already leaked out.

The first, addressed to Bill, holds the following:

What can I say? After the tragic events of 9-11, I was able to gut the Bill of Rights almost completely. Can’t get rid of that pesky 2nd Amendment, and there aren’t many troops here right now to quarter on account of the two consecutive wars I have them fighting. The rest of the Constitution I was able to bend and finesse so that the careful system of checks and balances our founding fathers put into place were basically nullified. I was able to dictate the laws to Congress, and the Courts? Well you saw how I got elected the first time.

And let’s not forget the millions of Americans who were left bitter following the government’s lack of response to Katrina. Or the skyrocketing price of oil which is still attempting to recover from my time in office. Or the housing bubble. Oh, and I would be a fool not to mention the economy being in the worst shape it’s been in since the Great Depression.

Yup, and I still didn’t get impeached. I guess that thing you told me is true, it doesn’t actually matter what you do, as long as you don’t get a blow job.

W.

The second, addressed to Barrack, holds the following:

Not it!

PS. I put my finger on my nose when I wrote that.

W.

Only so much of this is actually satire. Sadly, here’s to the history book, let’s hope they don’t screw the pooch on this one.

How does one assemble a Joe the Plumber costume?

Unless you’re committed enough to shave your head, you’ll want to pick up a bald cap. The Woochie Bald Cap should do you just fine. Price? $9.99 plus shipping.

After that, you’ll need a dark grey t-shirt. Don’t worry, if the rest of October has been any indication, this t-shirt will be plenty warm enough on Halloween. Luckily these can be found just about everywhere. Here’s one with bonus points for the pocket. Price? $9.95 plus shipping.

To add to the costume, you might want to pack a plunger. Oh…

And you’ll need to have enough money to buy your job from your employeer.